Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
