She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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