So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
