I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize