I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
