Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
