just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
soo... how was my night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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