Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
