There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
