chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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