Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
