rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
