About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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