***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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