Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
