Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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