I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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