I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
