i think my tv is drunk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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