I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
