She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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