i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
