My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
