you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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