so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You've changed since you got that strap on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
