Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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