why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
