have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
