So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
