Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
