Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
