he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
