I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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