When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
