i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
