I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
