Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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