last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he fucked my hip out of place.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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