Hey man sorry I got all grabby
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
