it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
