Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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