I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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