I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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