I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
