were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
