I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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