This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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