hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
