If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
PANTIES FOUND
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