My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
