I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
