this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
