Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
