This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
