No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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