I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
