he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Drunk is not a location!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
