I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize