I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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