We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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