I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
