Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
