a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
