Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
