I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
