If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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