I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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