her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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