called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
