You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need to sanitize my soul.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
