I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
